Pervy Tales
by TheUnsigned
Summary: 1 Anonymous Author, 1 Random Number Generator, 1 TF2 Kink Meme.
1. Don't Take Rides From Strangers

TF2 Chan has a Kink Thread. There's generally speaking more requests than fills. I decided, both to try to help thin the numbers as well as to work on my writing, that I would pick random numbers and fill the prompt to the best of my ability, regardless of competence with or interest in the subject matter.

This fill: An AU in which Scout is a high school student, where he gets picked up by Sniper in his RAEP VAN.

I think the 'M' rating and the prompt should give you a pretty good warning of what is to come. In case you're confused, we've got non-con sex and m/m intercourse here along with a rather significant age difference between the participants.

"Jesus, Ma…" Rick, (known mostly as 'Scout' to his friends) mumbled under his breath. "This really sucks. Gary always wants to drive but when it's his own brother he's gotta go an' be a giant fucker."

He slammed his rusting locker shut and glanced up and down the hall with trepidation. Not that he was scared or anything but man, he just hoped the upperclassmen weren't doing dope outside the school again.

This area of Boston was not exactly ideal, but Scout's family wasn't wealthy and his Ma had done her best to ensure all her children had an education. Scout didn't blame her for that. What he did blame her for right now was this weird bout of bizarre excuses that were makin' him take the long walk home through all sorts of weird places. At least he always knew he could run fast if there was too much of a problem.

No sooner had he had this thought then there was a shout behind him. "Well if it ain't Scoot!"

The six (SIX) teenagers snickered and advanced on him. They might have been bullies looking for a bit of fun harassing an underclassman, but Scout spotted a bowie knife glittering in one boy's hand.

He could hear their laughter as he immediately took off running.

"Aincha gonna stay and fight tough guy? Thought ya were supposed t'be so tough Scooty!"

Scout ran for a few blocks and ducked behind a building. They were just not letting up and it was still way too far from home. Maybe he could find a place to hide. That camper van there looked pretty junky and abandoned: dings in its sides, drawn curtains.

He tried the door and scrambled backwards when it was opened for him.

"Well whot's this then?" the man with giant sideburns and a hairy chest leered down at Scout. He backed up.

"Shit man I totally..."

"You want to come in mate?" The smile seemed inviting but was maybe a little unnerving. "That gang there givin' you trouble. We can't have such a cute little bloke getting hurt. You must have a mum somewhere. I'll give ya a ride."

Normally Scout would have protested being called cute, but this guy was way older than him. Yeah. Just some geezer thing and totally better than the gang. "Yeah, thanks man."

The inside of the van seemed merely functional, but the bed seemed to be modified to be quite a bit bigger than the average bed one would find in a camper. Scout was forced to sit on it like a couch so he could sit down for the ride. His rescuer clambered into the front seat.

"Where am I taking you?" The engine gave a great cough and spluttered to life. Well shit, the thing actually worked.

"Uh, Fleet Street." It was about a half block away from his house. Scout did know better than to tell a perfect stranger his proper address. "So you uh…English or something?"

"Austrlian."

"Oh."

"What grade are you in?"

"Tenth."

"Mmm, that is a good grade. I loikes that one."

"What'd you say?"

"Good grade to be in, mate."

"Ohhhkay."

The walls were decorated with some weird, almost tribal looking stuff, and a large rifle sat in the corner. Scout's eyes zeroed in.

"Cool gun man! What d'you do with it?"

Sniper grinned to himself. "I'm a hunter. A sniper."

Okay, that was kinda neat. "What sorts of thing do you go for?" He could see the sign for Fleet Street up in the distance. Just when the conversation was getting cool. Guns were freakin' cool.

"Generally faster creatures, give myself a challenge."

"So like deer and stuff?"

"You could say that, mate." He pulled up the van and climbed quickly back into the back seat. "The whole idea is to have it so that they don't know what's coming before it's too late." There was the distinct click of a van door locking.

Sniper clambered over to the bed, pushing Scout down onto it with that horrible leer back in place.

"Oh god, you're going to kill me!" Scout screamed, only to have his mouth muffled.

"Nothin' loike that mate. Sometimes I just have a bit of fun with what I catch. Release 'em back into the wild, all gentle like."

This baffled Scout until he felt the press of something hard against his knee.

"Mmmfph Muuuffph."

"Now you're a kicker aren't yeh, an ouch, apparently a bit of a biter, so we'll just take care of that won't we." Sniper flipped Scout onto his back with surprising strength.

His face now muffled by the pillow and his arms and legs pinned by surprisingly strong thighs, Scout swore he was not going to cry and get out of this crazy rape fag's grasp. There was a slight scuffling sound above him and Scout's trousers were yanked down. He gasped hard as a slimy…oh shit that was the guy's finger oh shit oh shit oh shit ew, what was the slime?

"Ow. Whry drr yrr wrrna stirrk anythrring in thrr yrr crazy fag, poop crrms outta thrr!'

Above him, Sniper just put a chilling hand on his back, tracing little patterns. "I promised I'd be gentle with you mate."

Scout turned his head to the side. "That is not fuckin' gentle…what'd you do, stick another one in? OW cockfag, OW!" He prepared himself to scream his head off. Anything to get the attention of anyone, and it came out as a moan as one of those fingers touched /something/ inside him that suddenly made spots dance in front of his vision and his embarrassment mount as he couldn't help himself from starting to get aroused.

Sniper grinned and adjusted his fingers. "You loike that don't you. They all do in the end."

His cock now straining and pressed against the bed combined with all the stretching and the spot inside him being teased mercilessly, Scout broke his second promise to himself and started to cry. Cry and moan at the same time.

"None of that now mate. Hands and knees then." Scout was allowed to push himself up.

There was the tearing of the package of a condom and for just a second Scout almost brought his concentration back. He'd remember finding a used condom once in the room he used to share with his brother Alex and upon finding out what it was and whose it was…yeah that was gross. Think of Alex getting it on with that ugly zitty fatso chick who had been the only one who'd ever want him. He could punch this sonofabitch and get away.

Above him, Sniper unzipped his pants. God this guy had hair everywhere. It was all over his legs and Scout could feel it tickle him…oh god, this was it.

Scout yelled as one powerful thrust let the Australian penetrate him. Oh there hadn't been enough of those fingers had there? Think of um…rainbows. Shit now he was going to associate rainbows with gay fag sex.

What he wasn't expecting was for his cock to be taken up in one powerful hand and given a firm stroke. The painful sensation was lessening in his behind and he concentrated on the warm hand working away at his cock. Turned out the slimy stuff was only Vaseline and not some kind of weird octopus rapist secretion.

Sniper began to thrust, slowly, enjoying the sensation of one of the most perfect virgin asses he'd ever pounded in his life. Below him his little catch was moaning, involuntarily bucking against him both into the cock in his ass and the hand stroking him alternating.

Close, but wanting to prolong the experience as much as possible, Sniper could feel himself getting close, but preoccupied himself with nipping at the back of Scout's neck while he waited for the boy to come.

Shuddering hard, Scout came, but he wasn't allowed to flop bonelessly with shame at what he'd done or how good it had felt. Sniper was still going, pulling out and drawing back in, that chest hair tickling the back of his neck, groaning and finally finally coming. He took a deep breath, wiped the film of sweat off his skin and stood, giving scout's trousers a tug. "There you go mate, we've had our fun, haven't we. And now, you get to go."

The van door unlocked with a click and Scout beat hell out of the van, doing up his pants as he went. He kept running, even though he felt exhausted and didn't stop until he got home. He barely noticed that the weird salesman guy in the pinstripe who kept skulking around their neighbourhood was coming out of his house until he was almost on top of him.

"Careful with ze suit petit. By ze way. Did you enjoy ze time avec mon ami? I am sorry, but I really did need some time to visit with your muzzer. She is a most delightful lady."

Scout had no words.


	2. Under The Influence

TF2 Chan has a Kink Thread. There's generally speaking more requests than fills. I decided, both to try to help thin the numbers as well as to work on my writing, that I would pick random numbers and fill the prompt to the best of my ability, regardless of competence with or interest in the subject matter.

This fill: RED Demo finds a very drunk BLU Spy in his stash of Scrumpy. Awkward, drunken sex ensues.

Most of these prompts are going to be self-explanatory I think. This is far more conventional sex. It's awkward and imperfect but totally consentual.

Every team member had their off days and today it happened to be the BLU Spy's. He'd made amateur mistakes all day long: Mistiming his cloak right before sapping the enemy sentry. Picking the wrong person to impersonate…and how had he missed that Pyro? The icing on the cake was that BLU probably wasn't even going to win today.

Spy was a professional though, so he dusted himself off, disguised himself as the Demo and trudged back to RED. This time it seemed to be going well. The RED Engineer jogged on by him with a friendly 'Howdy'. Ah here was an amateur Spy mistake and he was surely not going to do this time – Engineer could wait to die. Wait until you're deep into the base to alert anyone to your presence. He dithered a bit – there was little time left and if he killed the Engineer now…ah…long gone. Opportunity lost.

Spy tried the first door he came to and soon realized why the Engineer had not been suspicious. This must be the RED Demo's stash of Scrumpy. Something useful to remember to go this direction in the future if he was playing at being the Demo. Actually, plain useful, period. Screw professionalism. He'd had a long day and deserved a drink.

Spy sat down, twisted the top off the bottle and took a long swig. This cider was horrible strong stuff. He had another drink anyway.

"Ach I'm celebrating!" the voice of the real Demoman called as the Administrator announced RED Victory. He was already drunk anyway but when did that matter?

"Merde!" Spy hissed to himself. It took a few tries but he got his cloak on as Demo stepped inside.

What proof did Demo drink? Spy soon realized as he stood up that he was a lot drunker than he thought he'd been. As he began to attempt to creep out, he staggered involuntarily as his head spun. The whole disaster came to a head as he tripped over a crate and the cloak came off with a hiss.

"A Spy?" Demo stared. "BLU Spy. Must be drunker than I thought."

Spy groaned at both his damaged head and severely wounded pride.

Demo prodded him with his boot. "Ach! Yer real lad! Yeh Frenchies cannae hold your liquer…c'mon now, up ye get. I don't mind yeh BLU lot when we're not fightin ye."

Spy clung to Demo. He'd heard tell from the BLU Soldier that Demo was actually okay. Recently though around BLU base one should not speak up about the RED Demo lest you incur Soldier's wrath. Whatever had happened?

"Mon Dieu…what a day."

"Ah, if you're that hard up stay here. Always can use a drinking buddy." Demo laughed as Spy did sit down, hard. "Funny t'see one o yer lot staggerin' aboot. So what do ye do when ye ain't sappin' sentries. All our Spy talks about is the sex 'conquests'. Yeh like that too? Well I kin talk aboot that. Had my fair share. Now see, Medic's wife…"

"Is easy. Zat…is no good story." Spy hiccupped a little. "So's our Scout's maman."

Demo laughed. "Yeh been talkin' to our Spy too?"

"Non. It is my job to know everyone's secrets." Spy announced with a touch of his usual savvy.

"Well mate can you tell what I am thinking right now?"

Spy laughed. "Oui, of course!"

Spies were seductive. Spies were gentlemen. Spies didn't fail crawling across the floor and landing in their faces in the crotches of Demos. It was supposed to be a teasing kiss on the lips rendering his conquest smitten and begging.

Spy was definitely drunk. So was Demo and that was what mattered now.

"While I am here mon cher…"

Trust Spy to turn a drunken face plant into seduction. Demo hardly could complain as Spy wrenched down his trousers taking in the taped up face to the crotch. The paper was crunched but Spy leered at it "Don't mind if I do…."

"Stop that!" Demo complained.

"What?"

'My…stop with the teeth!"

'Oh…"

"Shit I'm…oh wait that won't work. You're drunk too. Just stop with the teeth will you?"

"Srry." Spy was muffled.

"Ahhh…that's better. Mmm…mmm…"

Spy lifted his head. It was still spinning a bit but may as well do this right. Or perhaps just clumsily.

"Condom?" Spy asked.

Demo groaned. "This is my store room. Got some here…bottom shelf on that there…" he trailed off and gestured.

It took one or two tries but Spy got the condom on. Demo's own cock was quivering badly. Spy had been a tease.

Spy licked his fingers to use as lube and swigged another round out of the Scrumpy bottle. It wasn't that Demo was unattractive but Spy didn't want to sober anytime soon.

Demo hissed. "Owch yeh wanker. Alcohol is not supposed to go in there!"

A little cider had indeed dribbled on Spy's fingers. A while passed with Demo making pained noises and then quieting as a second finger and then a third was inserted. The sting of the errant alcohol gone he was pleased. "Heh…Solly used to do it just like that…"

Spy just about lost his boner and let loose with a mess of shocked English and French. "Y…You. Le Soldat! Truly?"

"Sure sure…um…would you be so kind?"

Spy blinked, and positioned himself. It took a few goes to get his penis into Demo.

"C'mon yeh damn Spy, If yeh ain't gonna finish me proper at least do me a solid."

Spy realized what Demo wanted and his hand coiled around his cock, gently stroking.

"Just like that." Demo sighed, pleased with the fingers trailing up and down his length.

Spy started to thrust, somehow managing to be able to pump in and out but maintaining the gentle pace on his partner's cock.

The Scotsman came hard, a loud cry escaping his throat. With that Spy put his hands on Demo's hips and thrust harder. Demo made a noise that was not a whimper at the changed angle – his prostrate. He was little allowed to enjoy it.

Spy shuddered hard, realized he had came and just barely pulled away. He tore the condom off and chucked it away then subsumed to sleep.

"Terrible." was all Demo had to say, coiling about the Spy. "I'll forgive you."

"We'll do better next time." Spy slurred.

Medic walked into the store room mid day. He kept his spare gloves there. Demo passed out? Not a surprise. BLU Spy? Very weird though Demo had been known to get on well with the BLU's. He'd never known HOW well.

He'd seen his share of penises during the preliminary exams but had never hoped to see another one.

"Ach." Medic stormed out.

Demo cracked open his lone eye and smirked. "That story about Medic's wife?" He jostled Spy into hazy consciousness.

Spy tried to remember where he was and what he'd been doing. He looked up into Demo's grinning face.

'Yeh were wrong. It's the best story. Yeh din't let me finish. It's why I let yeh on top."

The BLU Spy gazed at him dizzy.

"Mine's way bigger than his."


End file.
